"Love and Marriage" | February 22, 2026 | Ps Stephen & Ps Amber George

There's something profoundly countercultural about covenant love in today's world. We live in an era where "follow your heart" has become the ultimate relationship advice, where feelings dictate decisions, and where commitment lasts only as long as we're happy. But what if everything we've been taught about love - from romantic comedies to Instagram posts - has led us astray?

The truth is, our hearts are unreliable guides. Jeremiah 17:9 doesn't mince words: "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" This isn't to say our feelings aren't real or legitimate - they absolutely are. But they're also fickle, changing with circumstances, moods, and even the weather. Building a life on feelings alone is like constructing a house on shifting sand.

The Four Loves and Why Only One Sustains

C.S. Lewis identified four types of love in his classic work: eros (attraction - the "I want you"), philia (friendship - the "I enjoy you"), storge (affection - the "I'm comfortable with you"), and agape (covenant - the "I choose you").

While attraction is powerful, friendship is strong, and affection is comforting, only agape love sustains us through the inevitable storms of life. Why? Because agape isn't an emotion - it's a decision. It's choosing your spouse's good over your own comfort. It's staying when you don't feel like it, forgiving when it's undeserved, and serving even when you haven't been served.

This is the love Paul describes in Ephesians 5, where he tells us to "live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." Christ's love wasn't conditional on our performance or His feelings. It was a sacrificial choice - and that's the model for lasting relationships.

Four Pillars of Marriages That Last

1. Following God's Order

When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He responded with clarity: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39).

Notice the order: God first, then others. This sequence isn't arbitrary - it's foundational. When we place our spouse before God, we create an idol. When we place our children before our spouse or God, our marriage suffers. When friends and church replace family, resentment grows.

Your spouse cannot be your savior. They cannot carry the weight of your happiness, identity, or emotional stability. Only Jesus can bear that load. When we expect our partners to complete us, we crush them with a burden they were never designed to carry.

2. Fighting for Covenant, Not Feelings

Most wedding vows don't say "as long as I'm happy" or "until things get difficult." They say "for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part." That's covenant language - a promise that transcends emotion.

The reality is that what attracts us to someone during dating often becomes what frustrates us in marriage. Those differences that seemed exciting and refreshing can become sources of conflict. But covenant love says, "I'm in - not with one foot out the door, not conditionally, but fully committed."

This safety is essential for growth, honesty, and vulnerability. Without the security of covenant, we walk on eggshells, unable to truly be ourselves or work through challenges together.

For those who are single, the time to practice covenant is now. Marriage doesn't magically transform you into a committed person. Whatever patterns you establish now - whether following emotions or truth, running from conflict or working through it - you'll bring into marriage. If you want a covenant marriage one day, become a covenant person today.

3. Sharing Faith, Vision, and Mission

Amos 3:3 asks a penetrating question: "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Unity requires alignment, and nowhere is this more crucial than in marriage.

Shared faith means both partners are pursuing Jesus, submitting to Scripture, prioritizing spiritual growth, and praying together. This doesn't mean being spiritually equal every day - there will be seasons where one person's faith carries more weight while the other struggles. But it does mean moving in the same direction.

Beyond faith, couples need shared vision: What kind of family do we want to build? How will we handle money? What values will we fight to protect? What will we say yes and no to?

And perhaps most importantly, couples need shared mission. If your only mission as a couple is paying bills, raising kids, and reaching retirement, you're building on temporary foundations. What happens when the kids leave? When careers change? When retirement arrives?

Couples who serve together grow together. When we give together, it bonds us. When we pray together, we stay together. Marriage becomes exponentially stronger when it's about something bigger than just the two people in it.

For singles, this means living on mission now. Don't wait for marriage to start pursuing God's purposes. Don't make a future spouse your mission - let Jesus be your mission, and He'll bring someone to join you on it.

4. Communicating with Honesty and Humility

James 1:19 offers timeless wisdom: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." If you want your marriage to work, learn to listen well, speak carefully, and control your emotions.

But communication goes beyond logistics about bills, schedules, and dinner plans. Real communication requires honesty, vulnerability, trust, and humility. It means talking about fears, desires, disappointments, and dreams. It means sharing unspoken expectations and working through them together.

The power of words cannot be overstated. Scripture tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Our words can build up or tear down. And it's not just how we speak to our spouse - it's how we speak about them when they're not present. Do we honor them, champion them, protect their dignity? Or do we highlight their flaws and share their mistakes?

Marriages rarely collapse suddenly. They erode slowly through silence, assumptions, unspoken expectations, and careless words that stick long after arguments end.

The Ultimate Relationship

Here's the liberating truth: marriage is not the ultimate relationship. Your relationship with your Savior is. Marriage isn't the goal - Christlikeness is. Marriage is simply a tool God uses to shape us, refine us, and teach us to love like He loves.

Your value and joy aren't determined by your relationship status. They're determined by the cross. Whether married, single, divorced, or widowed, you are fully loved, fully known, and fully valued by the God who chose you first.

The call isn't to perfect marriage - it's to reflect Christ's love in whatever relationships we're in. And that starts not with changing our spouse or finding the right person, but with becoming the right person through surrender to Jesus.