"Intentional Love" | March 16, 2025 | Ps Joel Lowery

In a world where relationships are often treated as disposable, the concept of enduring love can seem like a fairy tale. Yet, for those who choose to embrace it, love can be a powerful force that transforms lives and builds legacies. But here's the catch: love isn't just a feeling—it's an action. It's a choice we make every day to pursue, nurture, and cherish our partners.

Let's face it: maintaining a strong, healthy marriage isn't easy. It requires effort, intentionality, and a willingness to look beyond our own needs. As the Bible reminds us in James 2:17, "Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." The same principle applies to love. Hope alone isn't enough; we need to actively work on our relationships to see them flourish.

One of the biggest challenges in marriage is avoiding complacency. It's easy to become familiar with our spouse and take them for granted. We pursue what we don't have with fervor, but often neglect what's right in front of us. This is where intentionality becomes crucial. We need to approach our marriages with the same enthusiasm and dedication we had when we were first dating.

The Bible gives us a beautiful picture of marital unity in Genesis 2:24: "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." The Hebrew word used here, "dabaq," implies a deep, inseparable bond. It's about clinging to each other, pursuing each other hard, and abiding fast together. This isn't just about physical proximity; it's about emotional and spiritual closeness that requires constant nurturing.

So how do we cultivate this kind of love in our marriages? Here are three key strategies:

1. Focus on Your Gaps, Not Theirs
It's all too easy to fixate on our partner's shortcomings while overlooking our own. But this approach breeds resentment and drives wedges between us. Instead, we need to turn our attention inward, working on our own growth and improvement. As James 3:16 warns us, "For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind."

2. Focus on Their Needs, Not Yours
Philippians 2:3-4 challenges us: "Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." This mindset shift can revolutionize our marriages. Instead of keeping score or expecting a 50-50 split, we should aim to give 100% while focusing on meeting our partner's needs.

3. Create a Plan for Intentionality
Good intentions aren't enough; we need concrete plans to keep our marriages strong. This involves daily encouragement, weekly date nights, and yearly escapes together. As Hebrews 3:13 reminds us, we should "encourage one another daily... so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

Let's break down these practical steps:

Encourage Daily: Make it a habit to connect with your spouse every day. This could involve long hugs, meaningful kisses, or face-to-face conversations that go beyond mundane scheduling. These small, consistent actions compound over time, strengthening your bond.

Date Weekly: Prioritize regular one-on-one time with your spouse. This might require overcoming obstacles like childcare or busy schedules, but it's crucial for maintaining intimacy and connection. Remember, successful marriages do consistently what average marriages do occasionally.

Escape Yearly: Plan annual getaways, just the two of you. This dedicated time away from daily responsibilities allows you to reconnect and rekindle your relationship. Yes, it might be expensive or logistically challenging, but consider it an investment in your marriage—far less costly than the alternative of divorce.

It's worth noting that these practices aren't always easy, especially in certain seasons of life. New parents, for instance, might struggle to find time for date nights or getaways. However, it's crucial to prioritize your marriage even in challenging times. After all, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the example of a strong, loving marriage.

As we strive to love our spouses well, we must remember that feelings often follow actions. Don't wait until you feel loving to act lovingly. Instead, choose to pursue your spouse intentionally, and watch as your feelings align with your actions over time.

The message in Revelation 2:4-5 serves as both a warning and an encouragement: "But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first." This call to return to our first love applies not just to our relationship with God, but also to our marriages.

In conclusion, nurturing a strong, lasting marriage requires intentionality, effort, and a willingness to put our spouse's needs before our own. It's about daily choices to love, even when we don't feel like it. It's about creating habits and practices that keep our connection strong. And ultimately, it's about reflecting God's unconditional, pursuing love in our own relationships.

So let's commit to loving our spouses not just in word, but in deed. Let's pursue them as passionately as we did when we first fell in love. Let's create marriages that stand the test of time, weathering life's storms and emerging stronger on the other side. After all, in a world hungry for genuine love, our marriages can be a powerful testimony to the enduring, transformative power of committed love in action.