"Sex Matters" | March 1, 2026 | Ps Joel Lowery

There's a gift that God has given to married couples that the church has often struggled to talk about openly. It's a gift that's meant to be celebrated, enjoyed, and protected - yet it's frequently treated with embarrassment, shame, or avoidance. That gift is sex.

The uncomfortable truth is that many Christians have been taught, either explicitly or implicitly, that sex is somehow dirty or shameful. Growing up in purity culture, countless people internalized the message that sex was the worst thing that could happen outside of marriage - but then struggled to flip a switch and see it as beautiful and holy within marriage. This disconnect has caused immeasurable damage to married couples who find themselves unable to enjoy what God designed as a profound blessing.

The Bible Is Not Against Sex

One of the most pervasive lies about Christianity is that the Bible and Christians are against sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Bible is actually profoundly for sex - within the covenant of marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul addresses questions from the Corinthian church about sexual relations. He acknowledges that while abstaining from sexual relations can be good, he immediately adds a crucial caveat: because of the prevalence of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. He then gives a command that might surprise many: "The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs."

This isn't a suggestion or a nice idea - it's a biblical command. Paul goes even further, stating that spouses give authority over their bodies to each other. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. This mutual submission creates a beautiful picture of sacrificial love in action.

Sex Is About Giving, Not Taking

The world teaches us that sex is about self-gratification, entertainment, or filling an emotional void. It's transactional, negotiated, and often manipulative. But God's design is radically different.

Biblical sexuality in marriage is about mutual giving, serving, and meeting each other's needs. When you have one giver and one taker, that's abusive. When you have two takers, that's toxic. But when you have two givers - two people who lay down their lives to serve each other - that's when sex becomes what God intended it to be.

This means sex isn't about keeping score or using intimacy as a bargaining chip. It's not about withholding affection because your spouse didn't do the dishes or because they hurt your feelings last week. Instead, it's about generously giving yourself to your spouse because you recognize that their needs matter.

The Puritans, often stereotyped as prudish and uptight, actually understood this principle better than we might think. They had codes of conduct that required husbands to sexually please their wives regularly. They would even bring formal charges against men who failed to meet their wives' physical needs. While that might seem extreme, it reveals an important truth: sexual fulfillment in marriage is not optional or trivial - it's essential.

The Center Protected by Covenant

Sex isn't a side quest in marriage or an optional extra. It's the very center of the biblical marriage covenant. When your sex life is off, it often feels like everything in your marriage is off. That's because God designed the sexual relationship to be at the heart of marriage, protected and nurtured by the covenant commitment.

Proverbs 5:18-19 paints a beautiful picture of this: "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love."

This isn't crass or inappropriate - it's Scripture celebrating the beauty and pleasure of marital sexuality. God wants husbands to be captivated by their wives, continually delighted and satisfied by their love.

The Command: Be Sexually Active

Paul's instruction in 1 Corinthians 7 is clear: married couples should be sexually active. He even emphasizes it from the negative angle: "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations."

He gives only one exception - if both agree to refrain for a limited time to devote themselves to prayer. And even then, he warns not to make it a long period, because prolonged abstinence opens the door to Satan's temptation.

Think about that. Having an active sex life in marriage isn't just about pleasure or connection - it's actually a form of spiritual warfare. When you generously give your body to your spouse, you're protecting them from the schemes of the enemy. When you're selfless and attentive to their needs, you're creating a hedge of protection around your marriage.

Consider this analogy: imagine being on a long journey, desperately thirsty, your tongue feeling like cotton, growing increasingly irritable and uncomfortable. Then you discover there's been a case of bottled water in the back of the vehicle the entire time. The relief is immediate. Once you know the water is available, the anxiety and crankiness disappear.

Are you making water readily available to your spouse? Or are you hoarding your bottles, requiring them to earn each sip? When we're generous with our bodies, when we make ourselves available, we create an atmosphere of abundance rather than scarcity in our marriages.

Eight Truths About Sex

Scripture reveals several foundational truths about sex in marriage:

Sex is for pleasure - God gave us nerve endings in all the right places for a reason
Sex cultivates servanthood - A fulfilled spouse naturally wants to serve
Sex is mutual, not manipulative - It's not a bargaining chip
Sex brings comfort - It creates a safe place where you belong
Sex creates unity - It affirms and strengthens the oneness of marriage
Sex affirms oneness - It's a physical expression of spiritual reality
Sex renews covenant - It reminds us of our commitment when life gets hard
Sex provides protection - It guards against temptation and Satan's attacks

What If It's Complicated?

For many people, sex is complicated. Past abuse, trauma, abandonment, or unhealthy teaching can create deep wounds that don't heal overnight. Some marriages struggle with mismatched libidos. Others carry resentment from past hurts within the marriage itself.

If you find yourself frustrated, triggered, or insecure about sex in your marriage, there's hope. Sometimes the answer is simple repentance - owning your part, asking forgiveness, and choosing to do what Scripture commands. Other times, professional Christian counseling can provide needed support and healing.

The key is surrender. Surrendering your hurts, your fears, your resentments, and your past to God opens the door for His healing work. He's in the business of restoration, and no wound is too deep for His touch.

God's Best for You

Marital intimacy should be fun, free, mutual, frequent, and reciprocal. That's God's design. He wants you to have a thriving sex life in your marriage because He loves you and wants your joy to be full.

The best sexual experience in the world doesn't come from mastering techniques or following formulas. It comes from cultivating covenant - building a relationship of mutual love, trust, and sacrificial service where both partners lay down their lives for each other.

That's the beauty of God's design. When we follow His blueprint, we discover that His ways aren't restrictive - they're liberating. His boundaries don't limit our joy - they protect it. And His commands aren't burdensome - they lead to abundant life.

Sex matters because marriage matters. And marriage matters because it reflects the covenant love between Christ and His church. When we honor God's design for sexuality, we're not just improving our marriages - we're displaying the gospel to a watching world.